Documentary

[therealpm]

I will be appearing in a documentary by the BBC about the narrow educational background of our current government. It will be presented by Andrew Neil.

No capering involved, Alastair. Watch and learn.

Comments

[c4mpb3llcl4r3t.livejournal.com]

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Lest you forget, Andrew Neil is architect of mind-bending visual twattery collage known as "This Week".

All strapped in for his psychedelic voyage around your good self. Musical accompaniments least of your worries, chum.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

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Some of us are more adept with the media than others, Ali.

Hush you, I look fabulous.

[c4mpb3llcl4r3t.livejournal.com]

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Utterly. But with the BBC's own Timothy Leary on board, it ain't over til the fat lady breastfeeds a three-headed jackal with your face superimposed on it.

Where the arsemothering hell are you anyway?

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

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Bercow's. You're not invited. We're trying to keep the conversation civilised.

[c4mpb3llcl4r3t.livejournal.com]

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Wouldn't dream of it. Too busy scratching myself and eating gravy granules out of a trough woven from my own pubes.

You just get off on being the tallest person in any given room...

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

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You've always been a class act.

Shut up Campbell.

[c4mpb3llcl4r3t.livejournal.com]

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*spluttersnort*

Why, herr Baron, what a socialist firebrand you are.

No, of course not, you're just "petite", aren't you? Shortarse.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

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Turning phone off. Have better things to do than bicker with you.

[c4mpb3llcl4r3t.livejournal.com]

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Aw, play fair, Peter Rabbit...

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Text received from 07### ######

Don't you have a family to attend to?

[c4mpb3llcl4r3t.livejournal.com]

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Well, yeah, but they're not nearly as high maintenance.

Give 'em food, shelter and the occasional pat on the head and they'll practically avoid conflict in favour of appreciating you and stuff, the contumacious bastards.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

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I don't believe I've ever asked for, nor required, your assistance for anything.

My heart bleeds, your life contains such hardship and sorrow.

[c4mpb3llcl4r3t.livejournal.com]

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And I don't believe I "asked" you to effectively rape my cerebral cortex, but the initiative was just so darn touching, I couldn't stand to be a stranger. Thanks, buddy.

Like you wouldn't believe.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

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Alleged. You can't prove anything.

[c4mpb3llcl4r3t.livejournal.com]

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Ah, Peter. We could go on and on about who invaded whose brain via sorcery and tinkered with its key components in a display of sheer batfuck insanity. What matters is how much it shows you care. I'm getting quite full just thinking about it.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

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Shut up
I do not care. At all.

You're certainly full of it.

[c4mpb3llcl4r3t.livejournal.com]

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Snigger.

Full of the warm fuzzies.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

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Do you have anything substantive to say, or are you merely wasting time in as irritating a fashion as possible?

[c4mpb3llcl4r3t.livejournal.com]

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...

...

Would you like a hug?

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

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Sorry, I have a policy of not accepting the embraces of unpleasant, pseudo-scottish gits.

[c4mpb3llcl4r3t.livejournal.com]

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Ah, please yourself, Cruella - I'm off. I can sense I'm cramping your style with the Brave Little Speaker anyway.

Better stick your arse out and show a bit of tit if you want him to take you to the fucking high school hop, though, eh?

Give it some.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

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Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you with a bayonet, Campbell. You blew your chance.

I hate you.

...good night. Campbell.

[c4mpb3llcl4r3t.livejournal.com]

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You're angry when you're beautiful.

Night night, gobshite.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Message delivery failure. Your number has been blocked. Message given below.

Night night, gobshite.

[c4mpb3llcl4r3t.livejournal.com]

Oi, you. You've not still got a face on about last night, have you?

I - c'mon, Peter, I was just winding you up, for god's sake.

Forgiven? Fancy letting me in?

Bloody fuck, still at Bercow's?

Look, if you're there, stop pissing around and open up.

You're shouting through a letterbox, Alastair, you fucking mongoloid.

...

Right, I'm off to John's. Would be nice if you saved me the journey, provided you are in fact here and not there?

Then again, you're always there. Should really start making "there" my first port of call.

I -

I'll see you, yeah?

getawayfromthefuckingletterboxyouidiotfuck