#16

[therealpm]

Coalition still in power.

Chicken blood feathers everywhere.

Damn it all.

EDIT: Biohazard crew arrived. Going to Campbell's.

Comments

[ontheballscity.livejournal.com]

Eventually, Mandelson, you'll realise the only sane solution to the coaliton is murder.

I don't get this magic shit anyway. Never worked for me.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Don't tempt me.

[paddythebamf.livejournal.com]

What have you been doing, Peter?

Whatever it is, I think the results would have been marginally tidier had you borrowed my rocket launcher.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Nothing, Paddy.

Well, yes, possibly. But when you try and change the government with a rocket launcher, people tend to call it terrorism.

[paddythebamf.livejournal.com]

Nothing? *eyebrowraise* Interesting.

What do they call it when you use voodoo? Or is the main distinction that they don't find out until too late?

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Don't DO that.

Nothing of any interest.

I don't believe the UK judicial system has an official position on the use of voodoo for political causes, just as it does not have an official position on the use of UFOs, Russell's teapot or the Sandman for such purposes. Our legislature is extraordinarily lax on things which are not considered to be in existance.

[paddythebamf.livejournal.com]

Hmm.

Most slack of them. I'll be sure to mention it to a coalition minister to raise. Preferably one who needs retiring for the sake of the country. I think Jeremy Hunt would enjoy some more time with his family, maybe.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

I believe it's technically covered under a parallel system of thaumaturgical law, but Bercow can't be bothered no one bothers to enforce it.

I'm not sure it could be raised in the Commons, amusing though that would undoubtably be; there are certain strictures on who may be informed.

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

So that's what you were up to?

...I'm never helping you again.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

..you're perfectly happy for me to develop a machine, the stated purpose of which is to 'suck dry the brains of politicians' so that I may be 'the most powerful politician in the world', but a little bit of voodoo is beyond the pale? Are you truly impartial and apolitical, or merely very confused?

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Even if I wanted to, there is absolutely no way I could possibly stop you using The Machine so why fight a losing battle?

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

'why fight a losing battle?'

Dear me, you're feeling very pessimistic this evening. You've never let such sentiments hold you back whilst maintaining order in the commons, why let it seep into your worldview now?

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

I'm not pessimistic! I'm realistic, thank you!

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Exactly! Why the sudden loss of obnoxious optimism?

With regard to never helping me again; are you sure? We could target Paul Dacre...

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

My optimism is not 'obnoxious'!

...Very tempting, but... that is to say... I mean... Damn it, Peter!

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

We can prank Tina Weaver as well for political balance if you like.

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Hmmm... well, who could refuse an offer like that?

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Someone with no sense of humour and a depressingly earnest personality; a Lib Dem, perhaps.

It's Friday, you weren't featured on This Week and my living room is no longer covered with poultry innards. Any particular requests or shall I just fetch a bottle of whatever comes to hand?

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

I am more than willing to accept whatever it is you have to offer in this case.

Besides, if I request something you'll simply tell me I have no taste and retrieve whatever it is you were going to get in the first place.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

That's... annoyingly insightful not entirely true, but no matter.

*wanders downstairs*

Did you want anything to eat or is drunken debauchery in order for the evening?

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Already eaten, thank you, but if you're hungry then don't let me stop you.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Alastair tried to make lunch, bless him, but toasters are tricky at the best of times.

There must be something in the fridge.

Hmm.

Apple, then.

*wanders back in with a bottle and two glasses*

Do the honours, would you?

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Of course.

*Opens bottles and pours drinks*

So you two sorted everything out then, excellent.

Hmm, what's on television?

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Hmm, nothing to sort out.

*flicks through channels*

Graham Norton... Newsnight... ...something called 'Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents'...

...

...and Jools Holland.

*Throws changer over*

Go on, I just can't decide.

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Good Lord, what happened to television?!

There's... there's absolutely nothing worth watching!