The breakfast table, 18th Nov.

[therealpm]

*Peter wakes early, still bouyed up by the election results and heads downstairs for a cup of tea and a yoghurt. His phone buzzes as the kettle boils. An update from The Machine.

Sipping his tea slowly, he scrolls through the results and nearly spills it everywhere when he reaches The Machine's conclusions, which have been carefully bolded so he can't possibly miss them. A quick enquiry confirms that the results have been double, triple and quadruple checked- there is no uncertainty.

Grinning, he types out a text message.*


Text from 07### ######

John,

your presence is required. ASAP.

-Peter


*He sips his tea again, considering how to procede. A little background music wouldn't go amiss.*

Comments

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Oliver, I am your father and you will listen to m-

*John's phone buzzes again. He picks it up, reads the message and suddenly goes pale.*

I-I-I have to go. With any luck I'll be back soon.

*John bends down and hugs Oliver, then rushes off to find Jemima and Freddie to hug them too. He then bolts through the fireplace to Peter's house.*

Peter? Peter, what is it? What have you discovered? Are the children alright? Peter?!

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

*Peter gets up as John enters the room and walks over to the kettle.*

Sit down, John.

*He makes another cup of tea and brings it over to the other wizard, then sits down next to him. He places a consoling hand on the man's shoulder.*

Now...

I know the The Machine originally said that there was nothing amiss, however, on closer inspection she found that the signal of was merely very small. So the good news is, John, that your children are definitely mostly human. By an overwhelming majority, in fact.

*He pauses again, allowing the information time to sink in.*

John... are you part hobbit on your mother's or your father's side?

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

...

*John stands up and moves to the fireplace*

If that's all then I shall be off - we have got a lovely day trip planned and I would hate to miss it.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Are you going to tell the children at some point? Being non-human does have some legal implications, after all. If they haven't started growing foot-hair yet, they will do when they reach puberty and knowing their ancestry might set their minds at ease.

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your concern Peter, but Sally and I have already discussed this and have planned when to mention it to them. Your input is not needed, thank you.

Now, is there anything else or can I leave?

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Well I suppose it puts your somewhat excessive fondness for biscuits in perspective. And the complete inability to grow facial hair.

Should I get you some pipe weed for christmas this year?

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

If you're just going to make fun of me, I shall leave.

Believe it or not, Peter, this is not a startlingly new revelation, as I have been aware of my heritage for a number of years, now. Your jibes are not new. I have heard all these before.

I'll thank you not to mention this to the children - or anyone else, for that matter.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Oh don't be so short tempered, Bilbo. Finish your tea.

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

I am rather busy today, Peter. I have neither time nor the inclination to spend my morning being insulted by you over tea.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Well at least stay for some toast. It wouldn't do for you to skip second breakfast.

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

...goodbye, Peter.

*John leaves through the fireplace.*

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

*Peter just grins and finishes his tea. With any luck he'll have John's front door transfigured into something far rounder and bright green by the time the Speaker returns from his day out.*

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

*A few hours later, the Bercow-clan return from their daytrip. Oliver is reading his new book, Jemima is hugging her new cuddly toy (the closest thing they could find to 'Benji') while Freddie runs ahead wearing his new hat, pretending to be a wolf. Sally and John lag somewhat behind.*

Do be careful, Oliver - watch where you're going or you'll fall over.

*Having disappeared for a moment around the corner, Freddie reappears.*

"Daddy, why do we have a round door?"

...Freddie, the door isn't round, it's a rectangle.

"No, Daddy, it's changed. We have a round door now. Why is the door round?"

*John rushes to the door to discover that Freddie's correct. Their door is certainly circular.*

...It's just Uncle Peter playing a little trick on us, don't worry Freddie.

*John ignores Freddie asking why Uncle Peter would do such a thing and instead gets out his phone to text the other wizard.*

Text from 078## ######

Peter,

Interfering with the architecture of the parliamentary estate without the appropriate license is illegal.

Change it back. Now.

-John

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

*Peter cackles when he receives that text.*


Text from 07### ######

John,

how very ungrateful of you- I am simply doing my best to help you feel at home.

-Peter

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Text from 078## ######

Peter,

I felt at home when my house remained unaltered by you. Change the door back!

-John

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Text from 07### ######

Automated reply: the owner of this phone is having a nap and will reply to you at a later date.

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

*John opens the message, reads it and tries not to swear very loudly. Instead, he wanders down one of the corridors until he is sure that he's out of the children's earshot, then swears creatively and at length, stamping his foot and kicking over a chair in the process.*

*Calmed somewhat, he makes his way back to the living room where the children are playing. He tells them he will be back in a moment, then wanders through the fireplace to Peter's house.*

Mandelson! Restore my front door this instant!

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

*Peter pokes his head above the duvet, checks that the wards around his bed are still functioning and then drops his head back down on the pillow.*

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Mandelson! Mandelson?!

*Maybe he really is asleep. Well, not for long... John thinks. He makes his way up to Peter's bedroom. He gets the wrong room twice before finding Peter's, which does nothing to calm his tempter or make him more inclined to negotiate.*

*John stands in Peter's bedroom doorway.*

Get out of bed and change my door back, Peter!

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

*Peter yawns and looks reproachful.*

I am sleeping, John. Either wait or change it back yourself. At least one of the two shouldn't be entirely beyond your capabilities.

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

You are not sleeping! You're awake - you're talking to me now for crying out loud!

Get out of bed and change my door back or I will make you do so.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Only because you had the indecency to invade my home and interrupt my sleep.

No. Now go away and leave me be for a while and I might get around to addressing your request this evening.

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

*John throws several charms designed to get Peter out of bed in a number of ways at the other man, but the wards cause them to bounce off and disintegrate before they can do any damage.*

*Unable to get to Peter directly, John decides to go down another avenue. He rolls up his sleeves, and get himself ready. Focusing as hard as he can, he levitates Peter's bed off the ground. John then proceeds to move it into the center of the room (away from the furniture - he wants to get Peter out of bed, not cause him to split his head open on a sharp edge, after all) and jostles it from side to side. If he isn't thrown from the bed, then hopefully Peter's survival instincts will kick in and he'll voluntarily get up.*

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

What the he-

*He scrambles to sit upright and clings to the headboard. Wards around the whole room next time. Definitely. Once he's stopped feeling sick. John has to grow tired of doing this soon, doesn't he?*

Shouldn't you be getting Sally a lawyer rather than messing about with my sleeping quarters?

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Nope.

*John continues to rock the bed in the air.*

Fix my door, Mandelson!