The breakfast table, 18th Nov.

[therealpm]

*Peter wakes early, still bouyed up by the election results and heads downstairs for a cup of tea and a yoghurt. His phone buzzes as the kettle boils. An update from The Machine.

Sipping his tea slowly, he scrolls through the results and nearly spills it everywhere when he reaches The Machine's conclusions, which have been carefully bolded so he can't possibly miss them. A quick enquiry confirms that the results have been double, triple and quadruple checked- there is no uncertainty.

Grinning, he types out a text message.*


Text from 07### ######

John,

your presence is required. ASAP.

-Peter


*He sips his tea again, considering how to procede. A little background music wouldn't go amiss.*

Comments

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

*Meanwhile, at the Bercow household, John is trying to get the children ready for a day trip. He's arguing with Oliver about the need for shoes when his phone buzzes.*

Oliver, unless you put those trainers on this instant I swear to Merlin I'll-

-Oh who the fu- fudgecake is that?

*John picks up his phone, opens the message and rolls his eyes.*

Text from 078## ######

Peter,

Rather busy at the moment. What is it?

-John

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

*Peter grins even wider and types something deliberately vague.*

Text from 07### ######

John,

just received the in depth results of the tests from The Machine. Something's cropped up.

-Peter

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Oliver, I am your father and you will listen to m-

*John's phone buzzes again. He picks it up, reads the message and suddenly goes pale.*

I-I-I have to go. With any luck I'll be back soon.

*John bends down and hugs Oliver, then rushes off to find Jemima and Freddie to hug them too. He then bolts through the fireplace to Peter's house.*

Peter? Peter, what is it? What have you discovered? Are the children alright? Peter?!

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

*Peter gets up as John enters the room and walks over to the kettle.*

Sit down, John.

*He makes another cup of tea and brings it over to the other wizard, then sits down next to him. He places a consoling hand on the man's shoulder.*

Now...

I know the The Machine originally said that there was nothing amiss, however, on closer inspection she found that the signal of was merely very small. So the good news is, John, that your children are definitely mostly human. By an overwhelming majority, in fact.

*He pauses again, allowing the information time to sink in.*

John... are you part hobbit on your mother's or your father's side?

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

...

*John stands up and moves to the fireplace*

If that's all then I shall be off - we have got a lovely day trip planned and I would hate to miss it.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Are you going to tell the children at some point? Being non-human does have some legal implications, after all. If they haven't started growing foot-hair yet, they will do when they reach puberty and knowing their ancestry might set their minds at ease.

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your concern Peter, but Sally and I have already discussed this and have planned when to mention it to them. Your input is not needed, thank you.

Now, is there anything else or can I leave?

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Well I suppose it puts your somewhat excessive fondness for biscuits in perspective. And the complete inability to grow facial hair.

Should I get you some pipe weed for christmas this year?

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

If you're just going to make fun of me, I shall leave.

Believe it or not, Peter, this is not a startlingly new revelation, as I have been aware of my heritage for a number of years, now. Your jibes are not new. I have heard all these before.

I'll thank you not to mention this to the children - or anyone else, for that matter.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Oh don't be so short tempered, Bilbo. Finish your tea.

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

I am rather busy today, Peter. I have neither time nor the inclination to spend my morning being insulted by you over tea.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Well at least stay for some toast. It wouldn't do for you to skip second breakfast.

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

...goodbye, Peter.

*John leaves through the fireplace.*

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

*Peter just grins and finishes his tea. With any luck he'll have John's front door transfigured into something far rounder and bright green by the time the Speaker returns from his day out.*

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Text from 078## ######

Peter,

Hope you enjoy your first day.

-John

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Text from 07### ######

Bilbo,

I am already. Do let me know when Jemima is ready to brew her second potion.

-Peter

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Text from 078## ######

Peter,

My name is John not Bilbo.

Jemima is at school today. She will not be brewing any potions in the near future - with or without your help.

-John

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Text from 07### ######

Baggins,

I hear after-school classes can be useful.

-Peter

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Text from 078## ######

Peter,

My name is John, as you well know.

Jemima is 4, Peter. She does not need the added pressure of after school classes yet.

-John

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Text from 07### ######

John,

you've hardly the right frame to be a Stoor, and Fallowhide seems unlikely too. Tell me, are you a Harfoot? Should I get you some curlers for Christmas, or should I just donate to Sally's legal fund?


-Peter

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Text from 078## ######

Peter,

My heritage is none of your concern, nor should it influence your choice of Christmas gift for me.

But contributions to Sally's legal fees would be highly appreciated.

-John

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Text from 07### ######

John,

noted. Are the children free on the 14th December? It has been a very long time since I last took them for a day out.

-Peter

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Text from 078## ######

Peter,

...I am do not know of any plans currently in place for that date. What did you have in mind?

-John

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Text from 07### ######

John,

oh, nothing too taxing. A trip to Warlockstones' Books and a suitably inoffensive film, perhaps.

-Peter

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Text from 078## ######

Peter,

Well, it would give Sally and I the chance to wrap their Christmas presents without them walking in and discovering them...

If you wouldn't mind taking them, that would certainly be helpful. Thank you.

-John