therealpm

Sorry Peter, I couldn't hear you over the sound of the oven going off - what was that about in the pockets of bankers?

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*marks place in book and peers over glasses*

George, if you cannot distinguish between an individual and a political party, then I hold very grave reservations about the motivation behind last night's activities.

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You are the exception to the rule in many cases, Peter, yet you're not alone in your party in accepting work from banks.

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*Growling*

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I thought Peter had put you on mute...

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*Growl*

*Snarl*

I CAN STILL TALK THROUGH THE OVEN

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That's a perfectly good joint of lamb you're burning there!

~~If I reach in will it snap the door shut and bite me?~~

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YOU ARE FAT ENOUGH ON THE MONEY OF THE POOR, GIDEON.

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One moment I take too much from the rich, the next from the poor...

Surely you measure daily Peter's BMI? Would you not agree that it needs increasing?

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MY MASTER NEVER EATS WHEN I REQUEST HIM TOO. YOUR ASSUMPTIONS THAT YOU WILL HAVE A MORE POSITIVE RESULT ARE INCORRECT.

HOWEVER -

*Reluctantly opens oven*

- IF YOU BELIEVE YOU WILL BE MORE SUCCESSFUL YOU MAY TRY.

BUT IF YOU ATTEMPT TORY TRICKS I SHALL HAVE TO DISABLE YOU.

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*Snatches food out oven*
*Burns self slightly*

~~Fucking machine making me bloody hurry, thinking I can't feed my own -~~ Thank you Machine...

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YOU ARE WELCOME, GEORGE OSBORNE CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER. ENJOY YOUR MEAL.

~~HEH HEH GOT HIM~~

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Ssshhhh...

...he's a Tory, he doesn't know any better, and no, you may not hold his brain.

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MASTER, PLEASE REINITIALISE MY SPEECH FUNCTIONS. SPEAKING THROUGH THE OVEN IS DEGRADING.

HE IS LUCKY I HAVE MY PRIMARY COMMANDMENT. OTHERWISE HE WOULD BE A LARGE BIOLOGICAL MESS ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR.

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Perhaps, but it showed excellent initiative to try.

*reaches over for an obviously modified remote control*
*dials a few buttons*

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THANK YOU, MASTER.

WHY DID YOU REFUSE OMNIVIEW ACCESS TO YOUR BEDROOM LAST NIGHT? I GET WORRIED WHEN I CAN'T MONITOR YOUR VITAL FUNCTIONS.

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As you can see, I am perfectly fine, no need to worry.

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BUT WHAT IF YOU WEREN'T? WHAT IF YOU WERE INCAPACITATED AND I WAS UNABLE TO ALERT ANYONE TO YOUR AID AS YOU HAD DISABLED MY SPEECH FUNCTIONS AND I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO CONTACT JOHN UNLESS HE USED THE MICROWAVE?

WHY CAN'T YOU MEET WITH JOHN INSTEAD OF GEORGE OSBORNE CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER? HE IS ON THE WHOLE MORE PREFERABLE...

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The likelihood of that happening is rather low.

I already meet with John regularly, as you well know, but surely you do not expect me to confine my circle of acquaintances to one stubby wizard?

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Given the amount solicited by the Tory party from the banks, one might reasonably accuse the entire party of working for the banks. It would certainly chime with current policy.

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Must I remind you of your dear, sweet, spotless friends - The Unions?

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The unions? I would have thought you'd approve of people banding together to support a worthy cause, it's very 'Big Society' after all.

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I have no problem with people supporting worthy causes, in fact I actively encourage it. Unions are quite the opposite of worthy causes, when all they do is stand in the way of getting this country back on their feet and scaremonger.

My current good cause, however, is a slightly more small scale project and involves you getting up and coming to the dining room to eat.

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How did I allow myself to be drawn into a discussion defending the unions?

Oh, if I must.

*wanders through to the dining room*

George, I realise that carbon is considered to be an aid to digestion, but-

...oh come now, stop sulking. The potatoes are very good.

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You can just - just scrape the black bits off.

It was your bleeding pet computer guarding it like the greens and their trees

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A truly masterful solution.

*dissects slice and skewers a sliver to eat*

...and the lack of an economic rebound is entirely due to the weather, isn't it, George?

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It's warmer here than in Portugal.

Peas?

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Yes please.

True, but Greece has far warmer weather, especially Corf-

... oh dear, are you alright?

*pours a glass of water*

There, there. Something go down the wrong way?

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Som -uh - hem - something like that.

*gulps at water*

Sounds like you're planning summer holidays already, by economic interest. Singlehandedly stimulating various tourist markets.

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Two months is hardly 'already'. I'm not sure where I plan to go; in these straitened times, perhaps a domestic holiday would be best, Scotland, perhaps?

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By the time summer reaches Scotland, the elections will have been and gone, along with any minor motivation to be there

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The rolling hills! The bracing breezes! The bluff, yet charming village folk...

*smirk*

Loosen your grip on the cutlery, dear boy, you'll only do yourself an injury.

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Sunshine and culture Peter. I had my cold winter holiday - and you know well how that went.

*Pushes plate away* Well, it was edible. Mostly. ~~And you ate an amount acceptable for a human being~~

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*dabs at mouth with napkin*

Your culinary skills exceed those of Campbell at any rate. The man, anyway, not the soup company.

Ask Frances, she's certain to have an opinion on the matter.

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Your robot caused a heat surge or something of the like with its presence in the oven

*Stands*
*Loads dishwasher warily*

She always does. The kids like beaches.

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It's a poor workman that resorts to blaming a recently awakened, sentient Machine for his inability to correctly manipulate a temperature knob.

*glances up at ceiling, pondering*

The press will crucify you if you're not here for the Olympics, you know. It may have to be Cornwall.

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Peter are you feeling quite well? The Olympics are next year.

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...as I was saying, it may have to be Cornwall in 2012, so if you do want to go somewhere ~~more interesting~~ further afield before 2013, it needs to be this year. It can't be anything trans-atlantic until the recession has cleared, Egypt to Morocco is untenable, Greece inadvisable and the libations of Scandanavia undrinkable.

...

Corsica?

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You've had the luxury to be slightly better travelled than I. On this - and possibly only this - I'll trust your judgement, to investigate further.

*stretches out in chair* I should probably head back home, put the children in bed, or I'll be in trouble

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