therealpm

*It's bad enough guarding the werewolf- Lord Mandelson- the Mandelwolf- when it- he- whichever pronoun Nigel uses, either Dawn or Frances will snap at him- just looks like Lord Mandelson and glares at him and makes ominously sarcastic comments every so often.*

*Now Mandelson has decided to practice changing into a wolf right in front of him. At least he had the good grace to do it under his blankets, but it was still hard to miss- the furry tail poking out of the covers was a bit of a tip-off- and Nigel felt profoundly uncomfortable watching it, as if he'd intruded on some deeply private moment. He didn't dare to say anything- he didn't want to provoke any more sarcastic comments from Mandelson than were absolutely necessary- but he wished he could leave.*

*And then he began thinking about how it must feel to have all your bones stretching and rearranging and he wanted to be sick except he couldn't be because he had to stay and guard the werewolf, so he wasn't, but the effort of not being sick made his stomach hurt and his skin go clammy and now he really, really wants to go home. But he's got hours yet.*

From:

*Paddy approaches the cell quietly, mindful of the need for secrecy and the fact that most werewolves don't react well to surprises.*

*When he reaches the cell, everything is quiet. The werewolf appears to be asleep, or hiding, and the only guard is a very nervous-looking Nigel Evans MP*

Hullo! Nigel, isn't it? I told Frances I'd pop by and see how things are coming along. All quiet on the western front?

From:

*Peter awakes with a snort and a grumble. He hears voices from outside the cell and decides clothing of some sort is probably required. He puts a pair of pants and a vest on whilst under the covers, then grabs a suit and shirt- shirt and tie had become mandatory wear since getting the collar. Peter had considered a poloneck jumper and decided, on balance, the colar in plain view would be marginally less humiliating.

Now fully dressed, he wanders over to the door. The quiet little Tory, the nervous one, is still on duty and Peter grins- he's always fun to play with. He can't quite discern the other participant in the conversation- whoever they are they're currently too far in the shadows for Peter to see.*

From:

*Nigel has been a bit in awe of Paddy ever since the Liberal Democrats trounced him in the 1991 by-election for his safe Conservative seat. Just having him in the room makes Nigel feel much safer.*

Yes. I'm flattered you remember me! It's, um, it's been... he changed into a wolf earlier but now I think he's sleeping.

*Nigel hopes he's sleeping. Although at least now if Mandelson does something terrifying Paddy can be in charge of dealing with it.*

From:

Oh, not at all! I always keep a weather eye on the speakers. They're always a good indicator when there's trouble coming.

Though on that score ... you could do to work on your peripheral vision. Hello, Peter, I'd say it's good to see you again, but I hadn't envisioned these particular circumstances.

From:

Good evening, Paddy.

*He flashes a smile at Nigel, drawing the edges of his mouth back slightly further than usual to draw attention to his longer-than-average canines, and smirks when Nigel turns pale(r).*

I can't say the circumstances-

*He indicates the prison cell door*

-are particularly desirable from my point of view either.

*He pauses. He doesn't think he's done anything to Jo that would motivate Paddy to enact retribution, but it's always a good idea to check and get any potentially skin-saving apologies in as early as possible.*

Is this a purely social visit, or...?

From:

*Nigel makes a small 'eep!' noise at the hint of fang from Mandelson and edges behind Paddy.*

*Mandelson is always doing things like that. Nigel is sure it's on purpose, too.*

From:

Chin up, lad! It's only a Labour peer with an unfortunate social disease. You must have met those before, surely!

From:

*Paddy isn't frightened of werewolves and he's funny, too. Nigel may be developing a slight crush.*

*He cracks a smile and straightens his spine a little.*

From:

Peter? Don't threaten the help, it's not nice.

Well yes, amongst other things. Mostly a reconnaissance visit, in case my help is needed later. But I'm glad to see you're ... as well as can be expected, really.

I'd ask if there's anything I can get you, but they're probably ridiculously picky about things like that.

From:

But he's a Tory.

*Peter rubs his chin ruefully*

They are. If you could sneak in a razorblade, preferably with shaving cream attached, it would be much appreciated.

From:

*Nigel would resent being dubbed 'the help' except, well, he sort of is, judging by the way everyone orders him around. Dawn is technically junior to him but you'd never know it by the way she treats him. And Paddy told Mandelson to be nicer to him, and it might even work because Paddy is the first person to come visit who Mandelson hasn't been horribly or at least subtly rude to, which probably means Mandelson is a little afraid of him and he might do as he says.*

I'm guarding you in a non-partisan way, on behalf of the Speaker's Office. You've no call to be so nasty.

From:

*Peter turns his head and gives Nigel a cool stare. He allows his eyes to turn yellow, for a moment, although if questioned he would point out that wolves can see better in the dark.*

Did you have a point, you wished to make?

From:

*Oh God his eyes are yellow now. Nigel edges back behind Paddy.*

Just that- there's no need to be so confrontational.

From:

*Paddy wonders whether this is a conversation he should get involved in, but reflects that it'll only make things worse for Nigel once he leaves. Like his party, he won't have a Lib Dem shield forever, and unlike his party the sooner he gets his act together, the better things will be in the long run.*

*He does however give Peter his best disapproving look.*

From:

*Peter speaks slowly, lips drawn back in a clearly insincere smile that nevertheless bares his teeth.*

How terribly interesting, do go on.

*When Nigel seems unable to reply beyond opening and closing his mouth like a landed fish, Peter turns back to Paddy, pointedly ignoring the Tory.*

From:

Save it for when he's trying to ruin the country, not when he's trying to help

*Paddy ponders.*

Hmm. Well, I will have to run that past the powers that be, who will probably think that a silly two-milimeter safety blade is more dangerous than the claws and teeth you're probably able to spring at will by now.

But I daresay we can arrange a highly inferior shave with one of those electric razors, if you can tolerate the shame.

From:

You and I clearly have very different views on what constitutes 'help'.

*Peter rolls his eyes, and flexes his fingers, allowing the claws to grow to just under an inch or so before retracting them. The slight gasp from Nigel is exceedingly satisfying, but he suppresses a smirk and replies*

On occasion. Practice is required.

*He looks up*

Well, the shame of an inferior shave by an electric razor could still be considered preferable to that engendered by being mistaken for... oh a member of Socialist Worker, say... or a Liberal Democrat.

From:

Hmm. I've seen better. But hopefully we'll get you sorted out before you have too much more time to practice.

That's more like it! If you've reached the level of mildly partisan attacks then you must be feeling better. Though I'll thank you not to compare us to the Socialist Workers.

From:

*A little resentful of the trick Mandelson pulled with the claws, Nigel bravely decides to intervene.*

Anyway, you used to have a beard yourself, Lord Mandelson. I've seen pictures!

From:

...

*Peter stares at him for a very long while. When he finally speaks, his tone is icy.*

Would you care for me to list all the photos, and indeed, the anecdotes from close personal acquaintances that are contained within your file, Mr Evans? I assure you, the list is quite extensive.

From:

...why do you even have a file on me?

From:

Politics.

From:

*Peter feels mildly annoyed at that. He knows Paddy is well travelled and has probably seen all sorts of creatures, both magical and mundane, but still. Growing and retracted inch long claws does, he thinks, warrent more of a reaction than 'seen better'. He huffs.*

I'll attempt to avoid doing so in future, I've never seen them pairing socks with sandals before, after all.

From:

*As long as Paddy can keep the conversation, there's a chance that Nigel won't say anything even more stupid to Peter.*

*A minuscule chance, but still, you don't get elected as a Lib Dem without a heady dose of unrealistic optimism.*

Peter, I think you might have started confusing us with CAMRA.

Though come to think of it, there's really very little difference.

From:

I had noted the disproportionately large number of questions about the detrimental effect of pub regulation put down by Liberal MPs.

From:

~~I should think so too.~~

I'm glad to see that our MPs are taking to heart the issues that affect their constituents, as all good MPs should.

Well, I really must be going now. I'll pop along and see how everything is going tomorrow night. Do try not to eviscerate anyone in the meantime, won't you?

From:

I'll do my very best, but I can't-

*He gives Nigel a meaningful look*

-promise anything.

From:

*From the look of disappointment that appears on Nigel's face when Paddy announces that he's leaving, anyone would think he was Nigel's visitor, not Peter's.*

Bye, Lord Ashdown.

Edited Date: 2012-09-11 09:45 pm (UTC)

From:

Peter...

*The word comes out sounding slightly like a growl. It generally worked in Bosnia, but Peter's almost certainly better at psychological warfare than most Eastern European werewolves*

... behave.

Edited Date: 2012-09-11 09:49 pm (UTC)

From: