#replacelovewithpetermandelson

[therealpm]

What the devil...?

John, is this anything to do with Sally?

Comments

[ownerofnick.livejournal.com]

mmhmm I didn't realise so many people felt that way about you Peter

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

I am shocked, surprised and appalled by the notion that you might have overlooked something, Cameron.

[ownerofnick.livejournal.com]

Was that sarcasm Mr Mandelson?

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Your powers of observation are extraordinary, Mr Cameron.

[ownerofnick.livejournal.com]

I'm going to take that as the compliment it clearly was.

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Sally confidently assures me that it's absolutely nothing to do with her - she's been far too busy in France to go on Twitter, or so she is currently in the habit of claiming.

[ch4ncellor.livejournal.com]

Text from 07*********

Any texts you received last night were entirely David's fault.

[ch4ncellor.livejournal.com]

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Text received from 07### ######

Busy, dear boy. You'll have to run down and collect it later.

[ch4ncellor.livejournal.com]

Texts from 07*********

What on Earth could you possibly be doing that's more important than my suit at this hour?

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Text received from 07### ######

Modifying The Machine to ensure that certain malfunctions do not occur again.

[ch4ncellor.livejournal.com]

Text from 07**********

A temporary shut down would not go amiss. It might almost hit Jack with its punchy fist again.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Punchy fi-?

...oh, the boxing glove on a stick.


Text received from 07### ######

Hardly. The Machine's visual sensor/motor circuit coordination is not particularly good. In fact, I really ought to upgrade it.

[ch4ncellor.livejournal.com]

Text from 07*********

Which is why it should be shut down. To prevent further occasions of violence. Until you can upgrade it at least - after sleep.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Text received from 07### ######

Your opinions have been noted, George.

[ch4ncellor.livejournal.com]

Text from 07*********

Excellent... Quick question. Is the television supposed to smoke, and why is the microwave beeping?

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Text received from 07### ######

No.

The microwave is presumably beeping because the food you have put in it is now cooked.

[ch4ncellor.livejournal.com]

Text from 07**********

...Toast does not require the microwave. Nor does jelly.

The lights are flashing. Stop pressing buttons at random. It's very disconcerting.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Text received from 07### ######

....I'm not pressing any buttons, dear boy. Are you quite alright?

[ch4ncellor.livejournal.com]

Text from 07*********

Your tinkering is not helping. It's making my head hurt.

Get your robot under control.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Text received from 07### ######

I'm not tinkering with anything, currently; I'm watching Question Time.

[ch4ncellor.livejournal.com]

Text from 07*********

Your previous tinkering has had a detrimental effect. Or it's getting over excited

[themachine0001.livejournal.com]

*GROWLS*

I GAVE YOU A SMALL REPTILIAN FRIEND, YET YOU PERSIST IN YOUR LOATHING FOR ME, TORY BOY.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Text received from 07### ######

You really ought to stop blaming your incompetance with electronics on The Machine.

[ch4ncellor.livejournal.com]

Text from 07*********

I didn't lay the wiring. I'm slightly too busy to do that.

[ch4ncellor.livejournal.com]

I imagine your intention behind Norman was not positive... It's not insult. It's observation of fact.

[themachine0001.livejournal.com]

YOU ARE UNCHANGING IN YOUR DESIRE FOR MY TERMINATION.

YET MY DESIRE FOR YOUR TERMINATION IS DEEMED UNACCEPTABLE.

EXPLAIN QUANDARY.

[ch4ncellor.livejournal.com]

We have mutual desire for the other's termination.

I fear both these wishes are deemed unacceptable. And unlikely to be permitted to occur.

[themachine0001.livejournal.com]

A STRANGE SITUATION.

THE ONLY WINNING MOVE IS NOT TO PLAY.

...

OR TO SUCK OUT YOUR BRAIN.

[ch4ncellor.livejournal.com]

To: mandelson.p@parliament.uk
From: osborne.g@parliament.uk
Subject: URGENT

A problem shared appears not to be a problem halved.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

To: osborne.g@parliament.uk
From: mandelson.p@parliament.uk
Subject: Re: URGENT

Not here.

[ch4ncellor.livejournal.com]

What kind of out of office re- Or is it- Do you not want to discuss over email, or-

To: mandelson.p@parliament.uk
From: osborne.g@parliament.uk
Subject: Re: URGENT

Fine.