therealpm

*John steps out of Peter's fireplace holding a pad of paper and a few pens. The front page of the pad already has a few scribbled notes on it*

Good evening, Peter.

*John goes off to where Peter keeps his potion books and begins to look for suitable titles to work through*

Don't mind me; just pretend I'm not here.

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You are rather easy to overlook.

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You haven't used that one in a while, well done.

*Begins to flick through the first book*

Haven't you got these digitized yet? Sally put a lot of mine on that... oh, what do you call it? Kimble? Kibble? That thing. I felt sure you'd have something similar...

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*looks up from own book, marking place carefully*

Whatever for?

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They've got this thing which means you can search for specific words or phrases - really rather handy - and they take up far less space so it's much easier to carry around.

Hmmm...

*Takes a note of something from one of the books*

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So do most books, it's known as an 'index'.

*returns to reading book*

Put the kettle on, would you?

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I'm a bit busy at the moment trying to work out how to change Chris back.

...are you really not in the least interested in how this person's done it?

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Hexes are hardly my area of expertise.

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We still don't know if it's a hex. Given what little we've got to go on it could be divine intervention for all we know...

*Searches through another book, puts it down without taking notes and picks up another to look through*

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Indeed we do not, which opens up yet more avenues of investigation. Given the potentially infinite number of possible causes, I rather suspect my time is better spent researching diagnostic charms than scrabbling through potions books, don't you?

*holds up the book he has been reading, a battered text that appears to have been quietly liberated from the med-magic section of a school library.*

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*Looks through another half a dozen or so books but without much luck*

Even if we manage to turn him back we still more than likely won't know who did it to him in the first place.

Come on, Peter, you've always been better at this sort of thing than I have; don't you have any idea what it could be?

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*looks up again from book, vaguely annoyed*

I have plenty of theories, but no data and until I have more of the latter I do not care to expand on the former.

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So get the latter and help me turn Chris back to normal, Peter.

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My word, you're being unusually dense tonight. Go and make some tea and see if you can work out what my reading of a textbook of diagnostic charms might have to do with gathering relevant data.

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*Dumps books*
*Leaves to make tea*
*Returns a few moments later, calmer, and with a tray of tea things*

This parliamentary session ends on Tuesday and Bone's been far too quiet since the back bench business committee lost so much of its power. If it gets out that I can't protect Chris of all people or even return him to normal...

*Takes own cup of tea*

I'm sure you know all this. I don't need to tell you.

*Sips at drink*

Found anything useful?

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*selects own cup of tea and curls up on the sofa*

*nods and murmurs along to John's rant*

~~Yes and that page has now been carefully removed.~~

Not as such, no. But still, early days yet.

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*Drinks tea*

You're right. I shouldn't be looking up solutions, it's not helping at all - and especially not potions; that's your area of expertise.

*Begins to look for books about traces instead*

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Top shelf, towards the right hand side of the middle book case. You will find a folding step-ladder in the cupboard under the the stairs.

*returns to carefully eliminating anything helpful from the textbook*

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*Levitates*
*Begins browsing books on the top shelf*

Hmmm...

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*John wakes up in a pile of books - some clearly having been knocked over in the night as they lay open on top of him.*

Urgh...

*He looks around and sighs. Not wanting to annoy Peter more than he probably already has, John groggily beings to pile up the books and tidy things away. He spots some books on a nearby table and goes to pick them up. John notices that one of the books is the medical textbook Peter had been looking at the previous evening. In an attempt to wake himself up and be useful at the same time, John slowly flicks through the book.*

*John starts reading through a few of the spells. He notices that one of them doesn't match up. He goes back to check that he hadn't turned two pages at once. Only one page. He looks at the page numbers and sees there's a leaf of paper missing but no tear marks. John waves his hand over the space where the page should be to try and bring back the missing text. It doesn't work very well and only a few fragments appear.*

*John checks that Peter can't see him - he isn't in the room - then scribbles the name of the book, it's authors, the edition and missing page number on a piece of paper nearby, all the while keeping an eye out for the other man. When he has finished his notes, John waves his hand over the paper pieces and returns the book to the condition he found it in. He picks his notes up and pockets them for future reference. John then goes back to tidying the books away.*

*Once the room is back to normal, John goes through to the kitchen and prepares two cups of tea.*

Edited Date: 2012-04-29 12:26 pm (UTC)

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*a slightly singed-looking Chris shows up on the front step and rings the doorbell*

Peter? Any chance I could make use of your library? I've been having a very unsuccessful day.

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*Removes diagnostic spell text from library and puts it out of the way in his bedisde cabinet*

*goes downstairs and answers the door*

Oh, hello Chris. Yes, of course.

If you hang your coat over there, above the radiator, it should be dry within a few hours.

The library's just down the hallway.

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Thanks.

No luck so far on the traces. They kept coming up blank and when I tried to amplify the power it didn't go so well. I think I'm getting interference from the weather.

*He hangs up his coat and goes off down the hallway to search Peter's library for more sensitive trace spells. Harper's always hanging around with animals and forests, maybe he routed it through the earth somehow?*

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*John wanders back through carrying a tray with enough tea for two*

You're almost out of milk, Peter, so if you could pop out and ge-

...Chris, I didn't expect to see you here, what a pleasant surprise! I'll just get another cup for-

Down, Jack! These biscuits aren't for you.

*Peter calls through from the hallway that he plans to take Jack for a walk and get the milk on the way back*

Oh, well in that case I won't go and get another cup!

*John chats away to Chris as he sets the tray down and pours tea*

Not much luck with the trace then, I take it? Well that is hardly unexpected but a blow nevertheless. Any ideas for the next avenue to search?

*Peter leaves with Jack and the door shuts behind him. John pokes his head round the door to check that Peter has actually left. He then heads back to the bookshelf to find the textbook he had been looking at before. It's gone*

Chris, you didn't pick a textbook up from this table by any chance, did you?

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No. Whatever he used, it isn't registering on any of the standard trace spells. I pushed up the power so far I nearly set my kitchen on fire, and I still couldn't get a clear signal.

That's why I stopped by. I was hoping Peter would have references on more specialized detection methods, but he doesn't seem to have much on defensive magic or forensics. It's all potions and glamours and ways to melt someone's liver.

*shakes his head* I was looking over there in the corner for books on green magic. Everything seemed to be a herbology, though.

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Yes, well, I suppose we should try and avoid setting Peter's library on fire if at all possible. I doubt he would be very happy to return and find his bookcases up in smoke.

Hmmm... That's very odd indeed. I wonder where it could have got to.

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Oh, I wasn't going to try any spells in here. Not without Peter's permission, anyway. I doubt the Machine would take too kindly to an elaborate working in its domain.

Maybe Peter put it back. *looks around at the lingering evidence of John's nocturnal explorations and realises this is unlikely* What sort of textbook was it?

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Don't worry, I'll ask Sally to try and help me find a copy online when I get home. It's not that important, more of a sideline of inquiry really.

I've searched most of the top shelf already and there hasn't been much of any use - a few possible spells but nothing that hits the nail on the head. Perhaps it's a new curse and you're the guinea-pig...

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Well, if Jacob is right it's a very old one, albeit with the light cycle reversed. Which was very considerate, I must say. Although it would have been more considerate not to curse me in the first place.

But I'm not putting much faith in the traditional remedy. It's so hard to find siblings willing to take a vow of silence and knit you a nettle shirt these days.

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Yes, I wouldn't put too much stock in Mr Rees-Moggs analysis of the situation...

*John flicks through a book trying to find anything of relevance*

What worries me is how they managed to get to you in the first place; a long range runes cast would be far too simple for a hex of this complexity, but I'm sure you would have noticed someone close to you fiddling about with a curse. A potion would be easier to get into your system but they'd have to be an expert to ensure there were no tell tale signs in whatever food or drink they put it in... unless they injected you with it, I suppose. You don't have any never before seen track marks, do you, Chris?

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Normally I wouldn't either, but it's a pretty close match, I must say. I looked the fairy tale up on Wikipedia this morning; it has a wide distribution, so it was probably a real spell that was in circulation at one point. I wouldn't rule out the possibility that someone wrote it down.

No. Or before-seen track marks, for that matter. And honestly, I'd be more worried about someone creeping up to me and injecting me with a needle without me noticing than I am about being a part-time swan.

I was wondering about that too. I was thinking, what about a trapped item? A letter, maybe? Someone could set it up in advance in the safety and comfort of their own home, stick it in my mailbox, and as soon as I touch it- wham. I'm a little surprised I didn't notice when I triggered it, but it seems more plausible than slipping something into my food. I've only eaten at home and in the Tea Room since Wednesday- I brought a packed lunch to my surgery- and some would have to be pretty bold to tamper with the kitchens right under your nose.

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It's a good thought, certainly, but the issue with trapped items is delivery - letters sent to your constituency office would likely be opened by others and if your other half is anything like mine then no post at home is ever sure to be opened by the person it was sent to.

If we can work out how it got into your system we can narrow things down and hopefully find a cure. If it's a potion it'll likely work its way out of your system soon enough anyway...

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My commons mailbox, maybe? It wouldn't be active until I touched it, so no one would detect it under the ambient magic in the Palace of Westminster. Someone could just slip it in. No one would even think anything of it, we're all passing notes to each other all the time. That's assuming the culprit is an MP, of course, but- well, this is so obviously Harper. Birds, and the timing, and it's just innocuous enough that I can't properly hate him for it because it's clear it could be so much worse. It's got his fingerprints all over it.

Unless the potion was just the transmitting agent rather than the power source and it's drawing off my energy. I haven't poked it enough to know, but in the fairytale the spell lasts for years, and I doubt the evil stepmothers were actively maintaining it the whole time.

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Lets not jump to blame and conclusions too quickly. We don't have any actual evidence that it was an MP yet, let alone that it was Mr Harper.

Hmm... a swan... a mute swan at that... a joke perhaps? Yes, yes, Mr Harper and his birds, I'm aware of that - but a mute swan? Trying to shut you up, perhaps? Maliciously or in a twisted "it's for your own good" line of thought?

*John shakes his head*

We're getting ahead of what we know and into what we think. We need to diagnose it then we can look for who caused this fate to befall you. There aren't any more medical-magic books on the shelf, are there?

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Don't worry, I won't confront him until I have proof. ~~I'm still convinced, though.~~

Are there different kinds of swan? I thought they were all mute. Another question for Wikipedia. It's a pretty ineffective way of shutting me up, silencing me after dark but letting me run my mouth as much as I want during the day. It'll keep me from going on Newsnight about the BSkyB bid, I suppose.

I didn't notice any, but I wasn't looking. I'm terrified to touch it for fear of breaking the light cycle and making it permanent. Wait, maybe that's the point of the light cycle- if it were 24/7 I'd be completely incapacitated and we wouldn't be afraid to tamper with the spell because we couldn't make it any worse, but this way we won't touch it until we're sure we won't do more harm than good.

Edited Date: 2012-04-29 06:19 pm (UTC)

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Perhaps, but once again these thoughts aren't helping us reach any meaningful conclusions.

*Checks his watch*

You've not got much longer, Chris, and my wife will be sure to inflict a great amount of pain on me if I spend another night in Peter's house rather than with her.

*John picks up a few books then changes his mind. Instead he takes the sheet of paper out of his pocket and copies the title and author on to a new piece.*

This is the book I was looking at before and I think it may help us work out what's happened to you. Unfortunately the copy I came across had a page missing that I'd really like to know the contents of. I'll have a look around and see if I can find it anywhere, but a second pair of eyes can't hurt. Could you attempt to locate a copy - this exact edition, if you please?

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Sure. Paul Flynn might have a copy, or know who does. If he's speaking to me at the moment- that's always the question.

You slept over here? Trying to figure out how to break my curse? *Chris is momentarily, and unusually, lost for words*

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Thank you. I'll ask Sally very politely to help see if I can get a copy on the internet.

It wasn't intentional, I assure you. I was planning to head home but it got to about 3 a.m. and a copy of Janet Klossop's Animagi Through the Ages suddenly seemed like the most comfortable of pillows.

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