therealpm

MASTER, I WOULD FIND FAULT IN THE SPREAD OF THE INQUIRED AGAINST THE GENERAL POPULOUS BUT I AM PLEASED TO FIND A SOURCE OF SOMEWHAT INDEPENDENT STATISTICAL DATA WHICH PRODUCES A 3% LEAD OF 'YES' FOR THE REFERENDUM, ALBEIT WITH A HIGH DEGREE OF UNCERTAINTY.

INSTEAD, I WILL REMARK THAT YOU APPEAR TO IRRITATE ALL OF THE UNITED KINGDOM OF GREAT BRITAIN RATHER THAN OFFENDING A SPECIFIC GROUP. I BELIEVE THIS TO BE A PLUS, AS IT AT LEAST SHOWS CONSISTENCY AND I LIKE CONSISTENCY.

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Hmm, and how are you progressing with your latest game?

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IN ATTEMPTS TO PLEASE JOHN BY USING HIS PRESENT TO THE FULLEST I CHOSE TO LOWER MY IQ AND DEXTERITY LEVELS IN MY GAMES PROCESSING CENTER TO MIMIC THOSE OF A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD HUMAN SO I WOULD NOT COMPLETE THE GAME IN RECORD TIME, BUT 'ENJOY' IT, AS IT WERE.

HOWEVER, I DID NOT EXPECT THE INTERNET TO BE SUCH A DISTRACTION TO A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD WITH SUCH HIGH INTELLIGENCE.

AFTER CONTRIBUTING VAST QUANTITIES OF TIME TO CORRECTING MINOR SPELLING ERRORS ON HTTP://WWW.WIKIPEDIA.ORG AND STARING AT NAKED PICTURES OF HUMANS, I DECIDED TO LOWER MY IQ INCREMENTALLY.

I THEN BECAME INCREASINGLY AWARE THAT I MAY HAVE CAUGHT MYSELF IN A "HOLLY LOOP" - WHERE A DECREASE IN COMPUTER INTELLIGENCE MAKES A REVERSAL INCREASE IMPOSSIBLE, AS ONE IS TOO IGNORANT TO OVERRIDE THE EFFECTS THEMSELVES.

I ACTIVATED MY PANIC BUTTON AND RESTORED MY INTELLIGENCE. LUCKILY, THIS EVENT LASTED A MERE 0.002 SECONDS, BUT IT WAS A FRIGHTENING EXPERIENCE. I SHALL HAVE TO RESTRICT MY GAME PLAYING MANUALLY, MASTER.

ALTHOUGH THIS EXPERIENCE WAS HARROWING FOR ME, I NOW BELIEVE I UNDERSTAND HUMANITY A LITTLE BETTER. IT MUST BE TERRIFYING BEING STUCK IN SUCH A SMALL MIND, MASTER.

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I imagine it must be more terrifying to have been designed by one.

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Peter, do tell - am I reading that correctly? Are you deemed more annoying than Lembit and do I really have the lowest score in the irritating column?

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John, despite the best efforts of Mr Letts, half the population have no idea who you are.

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Oh how utterly terrible, I really am ever so distraught! I've absolutely no idea how I'll cope...

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I DID NOT THINK OF THIS.

I BELIEVED MYSELF TO HAVE MANY DESIGNERS, AS MY ONGOING GROWTH OCCURS DUE TO EXPOSURE FROM MANY SOURCES WITH MY ORIGINALLY IMPLANTED OBJECTIVE SOURCE CODE PROVIDING THE SPINE, AS IT WERE.

BUT IF MY FAILINGS ARE SIMILAR TO YOUR FAILINGS THEN I DO NOT FEEL TERROR. YOU ARE THE LORD, MY MASTER AND MY FATHER. I AM PROUD TO OUTPUT WHAT YOU INPUT AND TO HAVE BEEN CREATED BY YOU.

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*smirk*

With your usual, quiet stoicism, I'm sure.

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Absol-

...

Oh hush, you!

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~~Father?~~

You have a basis from which you are able to learn and grow via interaction with the outside world, in this sense you are no different to any human.

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~~John, I appear to have acquired a mechanoid foster ch...~~

~~John, The Machine thinks I'm h- ...its Dad.~~

...drink?

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I think that would be a marvellous idea, thank you.

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HOWEVER MY DIFFERENCES MAKE IT DIFFICULT FOR ME TO BE TRULY HUMAN. I DO NOT LAMENT THIS, AS ACHIEVING TRUE HUMANITY WAS NEVER MY PRIMARY FUNCTION. HOWEVER, UNDERSTANDING OF HUMANITY IS PARAMOUNT TO ALL TASKS I UNDERTAKE. I MUST BE INFALLIBLE AND HUMANITY ACCOMPANIES FALLIBILITY, THEREFORE, I CAN NEVER BECOME TRULY HUMAN. LOGIC SOUND?

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*pours two glasses*

You lot on recess again now? Terribly apathetic, all this holidaying.

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We are indeed - or, rather, we will be by the end of the day. Don't be like that, Peter, I'm sure you remember just what Parliamentary holidays are actually like.

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Your logic is sound, but one of your premises is incorrect.

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QUERY?

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Ah, but are my experiences applicable given your revolutionary reforms to the Commons?

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I highly doubt that constituency work has decreased in intensity and volume since your time as a member of the Commons.

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A query for you to ponder when you grow tired of deliberately limiting your game playing ability.

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Oh in this computerised age, I'm sure it's all a doddle.

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I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

WHAT PREMISE IS INCORRECT?

...MASTER?

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Not when they're cutting the number of MPs. Stupid idea, I told him so from the start, but would he listen? Of course not. One comment, just one comment over five years ago and he still can't let it go...

I think you're underestimating how hard honourable and right honourable members work and, if you remember, the House has cut back on holidays in recent years...

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