Thursday 4th October, lunch time. Prison cell.

[therealpm]

*Bored, he paces the cell.  The inedible remnents of Fiona's gift basket are stacked carefully out of the way in the fireplace, above which is tacked a hand drawn card from John's children. His legs and back ache, signalling that he's going to be changing form soon. He should, he supposes, get under the blankets and wait there, but John had been significantly less amenable to letting him out for at least short breaks than Peter had hoped: he's been kept alone in this room for days now and the confinement is making him restless.

A muscle in his flank spasms. He grits his teeth as others follow suit- it's starting. Hobbling, he makes his way over to the bed and burrows under a blanket, biting the edge to avoid crying out in pain as his form shifts.*

Comments

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

*John rummages through his bag and pulls out two newspapers, which he offers to Peter.*

I've got The Telegraph and The Guardian with me if you would care to look through them?

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

*Peter takes the papers and flicks through them briefly.*

No news of the...

...the two people, what happened to them? Have their been any updates on their condition?

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Not a lot has been reported publicly about the case. There was a line in The Independent a short while ago that indicated that the two had awoken and were - how was it put? - "on the long road to recovery", but other than that I have no idea.

It seems that DEFRA are trying to suppress the reporting of the incident and any follow ups to avoid widespread panic.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

I see.

Thank you.

*He sits down on the bed slightly more sharply than he expected and begins to read the papers.*

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

*Unsure how exactly to react to Peter's actions, John falls back on a classic line of conversation.*

Tea?

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Hmph.

My place or yours?

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Here should do for now.

*John summons the tea things and a plate of biscuits. He lets himself into Peter's cell and pours out two cups. Then he hands one to Peter and offers him the plate.*

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

*Peter grumbles that teleported food and drink never taste quite right, but sips his tea anyway*

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

*John sips his own tea.*

We're expecting a visit from DEFRA any day now to check on your conditions. I've no idea what's taken them so long....

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Wonderful. Can I expect a spot of redecoration: new wallpaper, perhaps a better carpet, before they arrive?

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

*John smiles and waves his hand. Beneath them, the original carpet sinks back into the stone of the cell and then in its place grows a new, thicker one. Colour starts to drip down the walls from the ceiling until all of the stone is covered (but any decorations and windows are left as before).*

*Both of them are House of Commons Green in colour, and the wallpaper is decorated with small golden portcullises.*

Better?

*John sips at his tea once more.*

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

You're amusing nobody but yourself and besides, the illusion is fraying near the ceiling.

*He points upwards- the original stone is bleeding through the deep green.*

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Spoil sport.

*John sighs.*

Oh very well.

*He waves his hand again and the decorations change colour to a deep red. He fixes the issues at the top.*

Is that more to your liking, m'lord?

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

*Peter makes a great show of inspecting the room, before sipping his tea and replying*

Oh, I think it should do, Commoner.

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

"Highest Commoner in the land", thank you so very much.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Yes, well... perhaps more than a little artistic licence went into that particular title, certainly when applied to you.

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Need I remind you of the 1911 Parliament Act and what exactly it did to the respective powers of our two Houses, Peter?

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

You mean your second most threadbare and worn out conversational topic after your attempts to explain the offside rule? I don't know, I think by this point I might perhaps be able to sing along. Should we try?

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

Well, if you would prefer a change, I could always go over the 1949 Parliament Act instead and just how much further that weakened your chamber against ours.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

Do you still carry that revolver with the silver bullet, John? It might be kinder.

Or perhaps you could explain how your attempts to ensure that backbenchers can question Lords who happen to be Ministers are proceding? A fascinating topic about which we have heard very little over the past couple of years.

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

...it is still being consulted upon.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

I see. And the Backbench Business Committee? Still going strong? Capable of holding the executive to account...?

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

It is, indeed, still in place. Its wings have been clipped, so to speak, but we shall see how the issue progresses.

[therealpm.livejournal.com]

*Peter just smirks and sips his cup of tea.*

[bamfbercow.livejournal.com]

*John considers the merits and demerits of explaining to Peter just how many alterations he has made to the lower chamber to make it more accountable - the number of UQs, the reorganization of sitting times, the rationalization of weekly procedure, extended use of Standing Orders...*

*In the end, he decides that Peter probably already knows these things and is simply winding John up for fun. He moves onto a different topic instead.*

I suppose now that you're back in human form, we should arrange another excursion with Paddy soon.