therealpm: (annoyed)
Just to be clear, I have been far too busy over the past few months to have had anything to do with the recent IT problems. That said, had the proposals contained in my report been implemented in full, I am confident this situtation would not have occurred.

Edit: It seems (belated) birthday wishes are in order for Baroness D'Souza. Congratulations etc.

Edit 2: Fuck off, Kinnock Junior
therealpm: (Mr Bond)
*Peter wakes early, still bouyed up by the election results and heads downstairs for a cup of tea and a yoghurt. His phone buzzes as the kettle boils. An update from The Machine.

Sipping his tea slowly, he scrolls through the results and nearly spills it everywhere when he reaches The Machine's conclusions, which have been carefully bolded so he can't possibly miss them. A quick enquiry confirms that the results have been double, triple and quadruple checked- there is no uncertainty.

Grinning, he types out a text message.*

Text from 07### ######


your presence is required. ASAP.


*He sips his tea again, considering how to procede. A little background music wouldn't go amiss.*
therealpm: (Bercow incoming)
*Peter works his way quietly through yet another brief, occasionally stopping to flick the fringe out of his eyes.  His hair is far too long by now and it's beginning to annoy him. 

The TV screen in the corner is on, but remains carefully blank.  The Machine takes pains not to be visible when a guard might be peering through the door unless Peter specifically requests an answer.  Last night had been their longest uninterrupted conversation since the programming of the doppelganger.  Peter had guessed (correctly) that none of his guards would wish to miss The Thick of It, and so he'd had a whole half hour to talk with his creation. 

Peter being Peter, this had mostly involved a set of detailed instructions on what The Machine should do if the 'cure' killed him, and a request to both monitor and if possible, strategically intervene in the care pathway of Peter's two victims.  They were too far away for The Machine to do anything directly of course, but all patient records are computerised these days and overstressed doctors tend not to notice slight alterations to a patient's records or prescriptions when they've got another few dozen to manage as well.

The Machine tells him they're doing better and that LaGarde seems to be doing her best to make Osborne miserable.  It helps.  A little.*
therealpm: (Default)
*Peter sits back in his chair and smirks smugly at the stack of papers in front of him. John's gift of a TV had been a greater boon than he'd expected. In his panic, John hadn't placed any wards on the TV at all, and so it had been a simple matter for Peter to 'adapt' the TV and the remote control to allow him to communicate with The Machine via a tele-text style interface. Peter did wonder whether anyone would notice, given teletext had been cancelled for a while, but apparently it appeared innocuous enough to pass under his guards' radars, and now, the fruits of The Machine's labours are stacked neatly before him on the desk. He hasn't had time to do more than frantically scribble down notes, but even this preliminary reading has suggested several new ways in which the potion might be improved, or at least rendered less likely to kill him; and who knows, if he survives this, he might even be able to get a paper out of it.  Grinning with anticipation, he picks up the first sheet and begins to work.*
therealpm: (Thinking)
*He's been told he has another inspection today- apparently it was delayed by a combination of staff cuts and his extended transformation, so Peter's dressed up in one of his better suits and tied his necktie loose enough that the collar can be inspected if necessary.

Bored for lack of work to do- Jo hasn't delivered the next tranch of paperwork yet and he's read all the books, he picks up The Machine's readouts and tries to work out precisely what got him into this mess in the first place.*
therealpm: (Machine)
*Surveys the meticulously painted runes required for a meso-scale trans-location, sigils that are now useless and beginning to smell due to the wards: newly strengthened by Bercow's return.*

*attempts to cast a cleaning charm*

*after sheltering from the haphazard whirlwind of soap-suds and bleach, decides to try cleaning it up manually*

Machine, I require tea.

...and also some sort of cleaning implement


*rearranges the runes in one corner to form a slightly smaller summoning circle*

*steps back and mouths a few words until what appears to be a very trim racing broom appears*

*smirks and begins to clean up the mess*
therealpm: (Pleased)
Machine, we have a visitor!


Oct. 17th, 2011 05:43 pm
therealpm: (Thinking)
*picks up blackberry*

*scrolls through menu to check messages*


I didn't know Cameron had-



Well isn't this amusing.

*Tosses a pinch of powder into the grate and steps through to the laboratory of The Machine*

Machine, I require a complete facsimile of this.

*Holds up blackberry*

Software and data will do for now, but I need a physical version by tomorrow.


An exact copy- nothing less.
therealpm: (Pleased)
Machine, whilst your use of crowd sourcing to fulfil a directive is innovative, I suspect a simple monitoring hex might be more efficient.
therealpm: (Default)
repairing and upgrading Machine today. Expect minor perturbations in the background thaumic field. Oliver may visit after 5pm if he wishes.


PS: You're still buying your own damned broom.
therealpm: (Machine)
This might be worth investigating for one of the smaller and potentially more mobile server arrays, especially as the installation of the improved lenses will considerably up the demands on CPU time for image processing.
therealpm: (Default)
Message to: Machine


whilst (now hh:mm:ss) <= 22/03/11 17:23:00)
   if (hh%/%2 == 1)
    { Bercow<-hangover(Bercow, ear.worm="Things Can Only Get Better", nausea=FALSE)}
    {Bercow<-hangover(Bercow, ear.worm="I've Got A Little List", nausea=TRUE)}
therealpm: (I C WHUT U DID THAR)

...Machine, am I to take it that being confined to safe searches is somewhat tedious?


Mar. 15th, 2011 01:50 pm
therealpm: (Default)
Progress on The Machine: Improved psuedo-synapsial cables and a workbench for grinding out the bespoke quartz lenses required for sub-cellular resolution on the omniview have arrived. 

John, no word as yet on the construction of the green tea sub-unit, so you retain a position of at least some importance to Her Majesty's Government.
therealpm: (I don't think so)
The necessity to avoid attending public appearances in person is beginning to grate, though it does provide ample validation of The Machine's projectile capabilities.

The other project progresses apace, or at the very least, generates copious piles of notes. Certain matters of sport have provided an amusing distraction.
therealpm: (Plotting)
Other than the minor amusement of dispatching the unfounded criticisms of a few unwise Tories, today has been rather tedious. Distracted myself by watching the cricket. It's surprisingly amusing when one takes a more active role in determining the outcome of the match.

Ankle update: cast itches. Incessantly.

Machine Log Book )


Feb. 24th, 2011 11:47 am
therealpm: (Machine)
Progress of The Machine: Optical bench cleaned and recalibrated for optimum identification and quantification of venom components, with the objective of eventual a-diabolical synthesis from common thaumaturlogical precursors.

This might take a while, I may have to consider adding this to my voicemail.


Feb. 21st, 2011 02:53 pm
therealpm: (Default)
I really shouldn't allow The Machine to run unattended overnight. It seems to have become infested with these little monsters:

Transported most of them to Venezuala. An arch-mage there still hasn't returned my grimoire; perhaps a few demon-frogs will refresh his memory?


Feb. 20th, 2011 12:35 pm
therealpm: (Cup)
A wonderfully event-free week.  No scandals to suppress, no plots to unravel, just the gentle hum of The Machine in the background.

...might take a nap.
therealpm: (Pleased)
All in all an excellent and informative week with some significant labour victories and the prospect of more to come.

Progress on The Machine: sucessfully uninstalled previous system.  Considering switch to germanic rune set; elder futhark rather unwieldy.

Now where's everybody got to....?
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