therealpm: (annoyed)
Just to be clear, I have been far too busy over the past few months to have had anything to do with the recent IT problems. That said, had the proposals contained in my report been implemented in full, I am confident this situtation would not have occurred.

Edit: It seems (belated) birthday wishes are in order for Baroness D'Souza. Congratulations etc.

Edit 2: Fuck off, Kinnock Junior
therealpm: (Default)
I see certain recent embarrassments have spurred commentators, insightful or otherwise, to call for a slight change in either tactics or tactician.

I'm sure they'll sort themelves out.

therealpm: (smug)
*Peter dials Fiona's phone number, but just gets through to voicemail. He tries the landline, but soon hears the beep of the answerphone. Clearly she's not in. He leaves a message.*

Hi, Fiona. Alastair's a little indisposed and won't be able to come home tonight. Nothing to worry about, but he'll be staying here for a bit until he feels better. I'll send him back over tomorrow. Hope you're well- you've got my number if you need to call.

Lots of love,
Peter
therealpm: (Mr Bond)
*Peter wakes early, still bouyed up by the election results and heads downstairs for a cup of tea and a yoghurt. His phone buzzes as the kettle boils. An update from The Machine.

Sipping his tea slowly, he scrolls through the results and nearly spills it everywhere when he reaches The Machine's conclusions, which have been carefully bolded so he can't possibly miss them. A quick enquiry confirms that the results have been double, triple and quadruple checked- there is no uncertainty.

Grinning, he types out a text message.*


Text from 07### ######

John,

your presence is required. ASAP.

-Peter


*He sips his tea again, considering how to procede. A little background music wouldn't go amiss.*
therealpm: (Default)
*Peter sits back in his chair and smirks smugly at the stack of papers in front of him. John's gift of a TV had been a greater boon than he'd expected. In his panic, John hadn't placed any wards on the TV at all, and so it had been a simple matter for Peter to 'adapt' the TV and the remote control to allow him to communicate with The Machine via a tele-text style interface. Peter did wonder whether anyone would notice, given teletext had been cancelled for a while, but apparently it appeared innocuous enough to pass under his guards' radars, and now, the fruits of The Machine's labours are stacked neatly before him on the desk. He hasn't had time to do more than frantically scribble down notes, but even this preliminary reading has suggested several new ways in which the potion might be improved, or at least rendered less likely to kill him; and who knows, if he survives this, he might even be able to get a paper out of it.  Grinning with anticipation, he picks up the first sheet and begins to work.*
therealpm: (headscratch)
*A combination of sunlight and the sound of snores more akin to a donkey being sawn in half than anything that should emanate from a human throat drag Peter up from the depths of sleep and deposit him, dazed and confused, in a somewhat tangled mess of blankets and more limbs than he remembered having last night.  He struggles to sit upwards, blinking back the fog clouding his brain and reaches for the mug of water he always keeps on the desk beside his bed. 

The wall of bottles and wineglasses in his way gives him some clue as to the source of the acrid taste on his tongue.  He swirls the water round his mouth to clear it, then considers the noisy lump at the end of his bed more carefully.  On closer inspection, it is clear that the errant limbs belong to the lump- Peter hasn't turned into a were-spider or something similar in the middle of the night and sprouted extra, which is a relief- his clothing bills are high enough already.

On even closer inspection, including a 'gentle' prod with one foot, the lump turns out to be a somewhat bleary and hungover Speaker of the House of Commons.

Well.

That would go some way towards explaining the provenance of the bottles, the contents of which could probably have been used as a downpayment for a family home.  In London.

He prods the lump again and receives only a muffled grumble in response.*
therealpm: (Default)
John,

if you're that enamoured with New Labour, you could just extend an invitation to dinner. Hosting a theatrical production, whilst flattering, is a slightly excessive means of conveying your predilections.

-Peter

Busy

Oct. 17th, 2011 05:43 pm
therealpm: (Thinking)
*picks up blackberry*

*scrolls through menu to check messages*

...odd.

I didn't know Cameron had-

...ah.

*smirks*

Well isn't this amusing.

*Tosses a pinch of powder into the grate and steps through to the laboratory of The Machine*

Machine, I require a complete facsimile of this.

*Holds up blackberry*

Software and data will do for now, but I need a physical version by tomorrow.

*smirks*

An exact copy- nothing less.
therealpm: (Default)
I find it somewhat ironic that Cameron should announce the forcible opening up of public service provision to private sector companies on the day that Southern Cross has folded. The man's timing is impeccable. Were he not being crucified in absentia by the commons and the popular press over his failure to disassociate himself from Murdoch with sufficient alacrity and zeal, I have no doubt that this would be considered a major faux pas.  As it is, he's made so many in the past 14 months that this one barely registers.
therealpm: (smug)
Once again, I believe I have been proven correct.

It is a pity that Cameron's most able spokesman is currently unable to help him. From what I've seen thus far, he rather needs the assistance.
therealpm: (headscratch)
What the devil...?

John, is this anything to do with Sally?

WTO

May. 21st, 2011 08:44 pm
therealpm: (Default)
First the IMF, now the WTO. What other acronymed organisations will the Guardian suggest? MoD? RBS? WWF?
therealpm: (Default)


...people do seem to get the wrong idea rather easily.

Attlee

Apr. 5th, 2011 01:04 pm
therealpm: (Default)
I can't say the man and I ever enjoyed much by way of conversation, but it was a pleasure today to unveil a statue of one of the Labour party's all-time greats.


In other news, it appears that yet another yougov poll has been doing the rounds,this time about who is the nation's most irritating politician. In no particular order the results are:

 IrritatingNot IrritatingDon't Know
Ed Balls513118
John Bercow361846
Lembit Opik631819
Baroness Warsi391744
George Osborne523018
David Cameron48457
Vince Cable393824
Nick Clegg52418
Ed Miliband523711
Gordon Brown58338
Peter Mandelson651816
Harriet Harman542817
William Hague504010
therealpm: (Cup)
"The situation becomes curiouser and curiouser. As you know, Madam Deputy Speaker, I am a kindly chap and always charitable towards Ministers; far be it from me ever to cast aspersions on the competence—still less on the mindset—of Ministers. However, in the circumstances that my hon. Friend has just pithily described, is he not concerned 'hat the Minister is becoming almost as unfocused as tile right hon. Member for Hartlepool (Mr. Mandelson)?" HC Deb 14 February 2001 vol 363 cc342-56

"Finally, the right hon. Lady is a highly experienced parliamentarian: will she concede that the regulations were introduced, without prior parliamentary scrutiny, under the auspices of the lost and not lamented right hon. Member for Hartlepool (Mr. Mandelson)? He gave minimum notice but caused maximum hassle for business." HC Deb 11 February 1999 vol 325 cc470-83

"If the Government want to honour their pre-election commitment, they should be prepared to accept the new clause as it would remove burdens otherwise imposed on small companies. I am particularly sorry that the right hon. Member for Hartlepool (Mr. Mandelson) has wafted out of the Chamber. I thought that he might be good enough to stay for the exchanges on new clause 1, because, as he does on other matters, the right hon. Gentleman has form on this subject. Under the protection of parliamentary privilege, I can even go so far as to say without fear of a writ for defamation that the right hon. Gentleman has previous convictions on the subject of regulation.

...

I shall confine myself, Mr. Deputy Speaker, to the hope that the right hon. Member for Hartlepool will prove to be a sinner who repenteth, and that he will join us in the Division Lobby. He need be in no fear of being traduced or attacked if he does so. If it would be helpful for him, I shall, on this one occasion, make the very dangerous commitment to hold his hand as we walk through the Lobby in support of new clause 1, at the risk of considerable damage to my own reputation. I should be happy to do that for the benefit of having the right hon. Gentleman on side." HC Deb 30 March 1999 vol 328 cc882-920



The record for the number of references to my good self made by an individual politician is currently jointly held by Mr Norman Baker and Mr John Bercow.  Is there anything you'd care to say, John?
therealpm: (Default)
Perhaps the funds raised by selling off Westminster could be reinvested into the Future Jobs Fund; in these trying economic times, it can be difficult to obtain paying work. The search for gainful employment continues.
therealpm: (Cup)
"You can be as rude as you like about Peter Mandelson, but he is a very clever man. And if Ed Miliband really wants to win, it would be a good idea to have every available piece of talent at his disposal, which means finding someone more convincing than Ken Livingstone to go on Question Time, for a start." ~ Tom Bradby. 25 March, 2011

It is rare, but always amusing, when confirmation of one's reservations regarding certain aspects of the party's conduct arrives so swiftly and is expressed with such such succinct clarity. The rest of the article is worth a read too.
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